I have a strong belief system.\u00a0 The thing is, I’m not exactly sure what it is.\u00a0 I know I believe in “something”.\u00a0 But I can’t define it – at least not any more than anyone else can.\u00a0 For instance, I believe that our lives are predestined.\u00a0 That said, I also believe in free will.\u00a0 How do those two things come together?\u00a0 Simple – I believe it’s pre-destined who will use free will, and who won’t.\u00a0 So is it really free will?\u00a0 I’m not sure.\u00a0 I often think of going to a psychic like reading TV Guide.\u00a0 Whether you have TV Guide or not, the same shows are going to be on TV.\u00a0 You may not know about it and will just come upon a show as a surprise, or you can find out in advance and plan.\u00a0 But can you change what shows will be on TV?\u00a0 Not on your life.\u00a0 I suppose you could avoid them, or delay them, but they’re always there.\u00a0 And that leads to this story.<\/p>\n
I was in NYC the week after Thanksgiving – a few days after what would be the anniversary of my first real date with Me2, and our cyber break-up.\u00a0 The last time we physically saw each other was two years ago – also around this date.\u00a0 It’s not something I’m conscious of in terms of remembering the actual date (although, if you put a gun to my head, I could make a pretty good guess).\u00a0<\/p>\n
Normally I am not in NYC on Monday nights – theatre is dark and usually there’s no need to be there otherwise.\u00a0 But this particular week, I was there because I was going to a benefit being produced by one dear friend, starring another, and written by a third.\u00a0 So off I went.\u00a0 A friend from LA who I hadn’t seen in a while recently moved to NYC and we planned to get together.\u00a0 Sidebar – said friend is a gay porn star (OK, former gay porn star).\u00a0 Only important because it points out that he’s hot.<\/p>\n
This guy wanted to get together after the benefit on Monday night.\u00a0 In NYC, there’s only one place to go on Mondays – Splash.\u00a0 And I know that it is one of the few constants in Me2’s life.\u00a0 He’s always there since he has Tuesdays off.\u00a0 The most recent times I’ve seen him have been there – another reason not to go to NYC on Mondays.\u00a0 Anyway, the porn star and I made plans to meet up there, and let the chips fall where they may.<\/p>\n
That is, until after the show.\u00a0 There was a party.\u00a0 I had a lovely time.\u00a0 Good friends.\u00a0 Some nice new people.\u00a0 A good, positive vibe in the air.\u00a0 Why fuck that up?\u00a0 So I txted the porn boy and asked if we could cancel.\u00a0 I really wasn’t up for running into Me2.\u00a0 Not that there would be a confrontation, but just having that energy around me wasn’t something I wanted.\u00a0 It is something I constantly wrestle with – I want to see him, but I don’t want the negativity.\u00a0 And since I don’t know a way to see eachother without negativity, I try to avoid seeing him.\u00a0 He doesn’t realize this, holding onto some misguided thoughts that I purposely try to run into him when the opposite is true.\u00a0 But, I’ve learned that people believe what they want to believe.<\/p>\n
Anyway, Monday night was cancelled and I went back to where I was staying – the swanky penthouse above Broadway, inches away from Daniel Craig’s resting head.\u00a0 Since I had a full schedule, the porn boy and I made tentative plans for a late lunch on Tuesday.\u00a0 That was all I had left in my schedule.\u00a0 Since I had a 7PM curtain, lunch around 3PM would be great.\u00a0 It could be my one meal, I wouldn’t be in a rush, and then I could stay out and go to the show.<\/p>\n
The next day I awoke, texted him to see if we were still on.\u00a0 I chose Elmo – fun, gay, casual, good food, not too expensive, and no one would be there at 3PM on a Tuesday.\u00a0 We had a plan and off I went.\u00a0 As I stepped outside, I could see it was getting ready to rain.\u00a0 I dashed back up to the penthouse to grab an umbrella and said I was running late.\u00a0 No prob, said the pup.\u00a0 He just got to the restaurant and it was empty…so he’d grab a table and just wait as I zipped downtown in my cab.<\/p>\n
When I got into the restaurant, I saw him immediately in front of me.\u00a0 He rose, thrilled to see me (well, who could blame him) and gave me a huge hug.\u00a0 However, in mid-embrace I felt an odd energy to my right.\u00a0 And then, in this otherwise empty restaurant, was one other party.\u00a0 Just two tables to our right sat Me2.\u00a0 It appeared he had finished eating and was drinking something like ice tea while he read a book.\u00a0 At least that’s what I gathered – I never looked directly at him.\u00a0 Like an eclipse, one mustn’t looked directly at Me2 for fear of irreparable damage to the corneas!<\/p>\n
It’s extraordinary to me that in all of Manhattan, we ended up in the same restaurant.\u00a0 That he, who lives on the upper east side, was having lunch on a Tuesday at 3PM in Chelsea – lower west side.\u00a0 And that of the only two people in all of NYC who end up in this one random restaurant at the same time, it’s us.\u00a0 What are the chances?\u00a0 That’s why I say there are no accidents.\u00a0 There is obviously a reason.\u00a0 Sure, I told the the Universe that I wasn’t going to run into Me2 this trip by avoiding a Monday night out.\u00a0 But if the Universe wants you to run into someone, there’s nothing you can do to stop it.\u00a0 Alas, I suspect Me2 believes that I somehow planned this – like I have him under 24 hour surveillance.\u00a0 It’s madness…but it’s who he is.<\/p>\n
Anyway, I sat across from my “date” – never have I been so happy to be meeting such an attractive person.\u00a0 Alas, I wasn’t just across from the porn pup – I was diagonally across from Me2.\u00a0 Two seats to my right and across from me.\u00a0 OY!\u00a0 As luck would have it, he (and the porn boy) had their backs to the wall which had a mirror on it.\u00a0 So as I sat across from them, I was acutely aware of how I looked…and I managed to make every spontaneous movement look as attractive as possible.\u00a0 I tossed my hair back and laughed with abandon, and then rested my chin pensively on my hand.\u00a0 I relaxed every brow muscle like I had just been shot up with Botox (which mightn’t have been a bad thing).\u00a0 And I don’t remember anything we talked about.<\/p>\n
We never spoke – Me2 and I.\u00a0 We never looked at eachother.\u00a0 We never acknowledged eachother.\u00a0 The closest we came to any contact at all was when he got up to (presumably) go to the bathroom and had to brush by my chair – giving me a good look at him in the mirror.\u00a0 He looked better than I could have hoped.\u00a0 This actually made me happy – I like to think I have excellent taste in men…even those who despise me.\u00a0 And I certainly expected him to look good.\u00a0 I wished I had put a teensy bit more care into looking as good as humanly possible.\u00a0 But given the circumstances, I was fine with it.<\/p>\n
Maybe 30 minutes after we sat down, Me2 got up to leave.\u00a0 He spoke to some people in the restaurant before going.\u00a0 Maybe they’re friends.\u00a0 Maybe this is one of his hang outs – like Splash on Mondays.\u00a0 Who knows.\u00a0 But without any fanfare, he was gone.<\/p>\n
Some time later, while the porno boy and I were sharing a bowl of tomato soup, I just started laughing hysterically – without any prompting.\u00a0 He asked what was so funny.\u00a0 “Do you remember the guy sitting a few tables over?”\u00a0I asked.\u00a0 “You mean the only other person who’s been in this restaurant?\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 What about him?”\u00a0 “Well,” I said, “he’s my ex.”\u00a0 My date looked shocked.\u00a0 “And you just realized that now?”\u00a0 “No, I knew the moment I walked in,” I said.\u00a0 “I’m confused – did you guys say hi or something?\u00a0 I don’t remember you acknowledging eachother,” he said, somewhat puzzled.\u00a0 “Oh, no, we didn’t.\u00a0 That’s part of the game,” I said, smiling.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I gave him a watered down, 60 second version of our history which didn’t do either of us justice.\u00a0 But it did lead him to say, “I wish I had known – we really could have put on a show.”\u00a0 Oh, I’m sure we could have.\u00a0 But that would have been fake…well, as fake as that laugh I had as I tossed back my hair!\u00a0<\/p>\n
This was two months ago.\u00a0 I have no better understanding of why it happened than I did then.\u00a0 Obviously we’re in eachother’s lives for a reason.\u00a0 What that reason is, I don’t know.\u00a0 But there is unfinished business.\u00a0 Maybe the Universe wants us to find our way back to eachother.\u00a0 Maybe the Universe wants us to learn to co-exist in the world without tension.\u00a0 Or maybe on that day the Universe wanted to happened exactly what happened.\u00a0 We saw eachother.\u00a0 And we went on with our day.\u00a0<\/p>\n
There are no accidents.\u00a0 Everything is pre-destined.\u00a0 We have free will.\u00a0 The beauty is when we choose to use it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have a strong belief system.\u00a0 The thing is, I’m not exactly sure what it is.\u00a0 I know I believe in “something”.\u00a0 But I can’t define it – at least not any more than anyone else can.\u00a0 For instance, I believe that our lives are predestined.\u00a0 That said, I also believe in free will.\u00a0 How …<\/p>\n